Susanna Wolff's Web Presents

-You should reserve tickets for the CH Live I’m hosting with Rosie tomorrow.

-And buy a copy of the New Yorker on Monday to read my Shouts & Murmurs.

Thank you.

Teen 1: Are you going to Otakon?

Teen 2: I’d like to, but I think I should get friends first.

1. Think those shorts are working in the dressing room? Sit down and imagine that every part of the chair that is touching your legs is a warm seat on the subway. Then peer over and see how much of the worse-than-you’ve-come-to-terms-with part of your upper thigh is showing. If either of those tests freaks you out, those shorts are too short.

2. Buy a bikini top that is the same cut as your bras. Otherwise you’re going to want to kill yourself when you get a sunburn.

3. Hair ties. You need more hair ties. All the ones you bought last year are stretched out, gross, or in the bottom of that tote bag you can’t find.

4. Dry clean only? Come on.

5. If a strappy sandal hurts in the store, it will ruin your feet. If a strappy sandal doesn’t hurt in the store, it will still ruin your feet.

6. Band-Aids. You need more Band-Aids.

7. Yes, that sundress is see-through.

8. A bathing suit shouldn’t cost more than the clothes you wore to the store to buy the bathing suit.

9. Buying more exercise clothing doesn’t count as exercise.

10. That sun hat makes you look like your grandma.