I just got a Netflix account. What should I rent?
1. They can’t make sound effects with their mouths.
Why, according to her: What are you talking about? She so can make sound effects. Guns go “pew pew.” Explosions go “schploom.” Dead on.
Why, according to reality: Because girls can’t hear what they sound like. That’s also why they think those shrill exclamations they make in bars are adorable and that those derogatory remarks they make in public about your eating habits are quiet.
2. After the end of a long-term relationship, they get an unflattering haircut.
Why, according to her: Because it will signify independence and is just so much more practical and she’s always wanted to do it, so why not now, right?
Why, according to reality: Because her heinous new ‘do will give her something else to regret besides the 2 years and 64 compromising pictures she allowed whatshisname to have.
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