Susanna Wolff's Web Presents

Month

June 2013

4 posts

Jun 13, 2013529 notes

My main goal in life is to live somewhere that is cleaned frequently enough that, before I get into bed at night, I don’t have to wipe crumbs off my feet.

Jun 10, 20138 notes

Hey Tumblr,

I get that you’re making money by advertising “The Purge,” and I want you to have a successful business and everything, but this spooky face and the gently billowing nightgown .gif in my Radar is scaring the shit out of me. Can I have a different ad please? Something innocuous like Dial hand soap or Green Giant baby carrots. I’ll probably buy those things.

Thanks,

Susanna

Jun 7, 201312 notes
Jun 3, 20133 notes

May 2013

7 posts

I have been working at CollegeHumor for exactly 6 years.

To put that in perspective: I’ve been working at CollegeHumor since Bush was president, practically no one used Twitter, and people were still complaining about Facebook’s stupid new “news feed” feature.

May 29, 201314 notes
May 17, 20134 notes
#television
May 13, 2013366 notes

I think I need to take a vacation day just so I can catch up on TV.

May 8, 20136 notes
#television

Has anyone ever actually used Angie’s List?

May 5, 20138 notes
May 2, 201310 notes
Play
May 1, 201342,503 notes

April 2013

4 posts

Apr 24, 2013303 notes
Apr 8, 201323,281 notes
youre an arrogant piece of shit. thoughts?

Agreed. But only when I’m right.

Apr 7, 201312 notes
Your 90's article was such bullshit. We're totally capable of loving things during our childhood, no matter when they were invented. You either need to stop writing bullshit articles or try another job.

What you’re saying is that you love childhood. Not the 90s. You love the universal experience of childhood.

The bullshit being referenced: 10 Things That Aren’t from the 90s, You Idiot

Apr 5, 201310 notes

March 2013

8 posts

Mar 26, 2013539 notes
#f.r.i.e.n.d.s
Important Kids' Choice Awards question:

Is Nickelodeon footing the wardrobe bill for all the people they slime? It seems like a lot of fancy outfits are getting ruined.

If anyone has the inside scoop, please let me know. I’m unreasonably curious about this.

Mar 24, 20133 notes
Mar 22, 201318 notes
Mar 19, 201317 notes
Mar 15, 201314 notes
#Facebook History
Play
Mar 14, 20131,525 notes
Mar 13, 201336 notes
Mar 3, 201311 notes

February 2013

3 posts

Feb 20, 20131,105 notes
Hot Valentine's Day Tip:

Eating a 3-inch rod of rock-hard Tootsie Roll is the least attractive thing a person can do.

Feb 14, 20138 notes

I generally don’t like to be a sentimental person, but after what has probably been the best year of my life, I want to take this time to publicly thank my constant, loyal partner.

Happy one year anniversary, Balloon That’s Been Stuck in the Tree Outside My Window. You make every day better.

image

Feb 14, 2013144 notes

January 2013

7 posts

Play
Jan 30, 201382 notes
Jan 8, 20132,132 notes
#television #downton abbey
5 Hot New Diets to Get You in Shape for 2013

1. Only eat foods that come in really hard to open packages. You burn calories in the struggle, and, by the time you reach the food, you probably won’t even want it anymore!

2. Only eat food you hate. You’ll still eat it because you’re hungry, but you’ll complain the whole time!

3. Only eat soufflés you make yourself. You don’t know how to make soufflés!

4. Only eat crunchy foods in silent rooms full of people trying to work. The amount of time you spend trying to quietly slow-chew will make you think you’ve eaten more than you have!

5. Eat less.

Jan 8, 201329 notes
Jan 7, 2013570 notes
Are you and Caldwell dating? My friends and I have a bet going on, please win me a pizza and a Netflix password so I can watch X-Files.

image

Yep.

Jan 4, 201318 notes
You're so unfunny it's actually really painful. I'm sorry about being rude but that facebook thing made me physically ill.

Don’t worry about being rude, rancer-cape. You gotta do what you gotta do, rancer-cape. I understand, rancer-cape. Sorry you didn’t like my Facebook History, rancer-cape. Thank you for your message, rancer-cape. 

Jan 3, 201323 notes
Jan 3, 2013140 notes
#facebook #history #2012 #news #politics #I still don't understand the economy

December 2012

4 posts

Play
Dec 18, 201211 notes
Dec 13, 201212 notes

Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady just had a daughter they named Vivian Lake. Here’s how I think that naming conversation went down:

Tom Brady: Sexy Wife, what should we name our daughter?

Gisele Bundchen: I don’t know, Sexy Husband. Is she a Sexy Baby?

Tom Brady: Probably.

Gisele Bundchen: Ok. We should give our Sexy Baby a sexy name.

Tom Brady: “Vivian Lake” sounds like a Sexy Actress from the forties.

Gisele Bundchen: Done. Let our Sexy Dynasty reign forever.

End scene.

Dec 7, 201213 notes
Papa Noel Brenda Lee

This is one of those songs where the number of times I’ve heard it has in no way increased the number of words I actually understand in it.

Dec 5, 2012
#music #spotify

November 2012

6 posts

Nov 28, 20128 notes
Nov 27, 201213 notes
Nov 26, 20128,826 notes
Nov 25, 20121 note
Nov 21, 2012171 notes
CNN Election Coverage Drinking Game

-Drink every time the “The Balance of Power” graphic comes on.

-Take a shot every time Anderson Cooper wanders into frame.

-Finish your drink and the drinks of everyone around you if you are Anderson Cooper.

Nov 6, 20122 notes

October 2012

2 posts

Oct 29, 201217 notes
Oct 12, 20123 notes

September 2012

7 posts

Sep 28, 2012417 notes
Sep 27, 2012634 notes
Sep 14, 201210 notes
Play
Sep 13, 201215 notes
Sep 10, 201232 notes
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