I saw The Thin Man for the first time last night. Not only is it a great comedy/mystery, but it introduces one of the best fictional couples ever. Future husband, if you’re reading this, take notes.
1. They can’t make sound effects with their mouths. Why, according to her: What are you talking about? She so can make sound effects. Guns go “pew pew.” Explosions go “schploom.” Dead on. Why, according to reality: Because girls can’t hear what they sound like. That’s also why they think those shrill exclamations they make in bars are adorable and that those derogatory remarks they make in public about your eating habits are quiet.
2. After the end of a long-term relationship, they get an unflattering haircut. Why, according to her: Because it will signify independence and is just so much more practical and she’s always wanted to do it, so why not now, right? Why, according to reality: Because her heinous new ‘do will give her something else to regret besides the 2 years and 64 compromising pictures she allowed whatshisname to have.
Here are the first three lines of a cheeky gem: “What is it about Jane Austen’s Northanger Abbey that makes it the most odiously banal piece of literature I have ever read? Oh right, the fact that nothing remotely interesting happens. With a narrative that is propelled by nothing other than easily resolvable misunderstandings, it has depth and intrigue on par with an episode of ‘Three’s Company.’”
Also, COLLEGEHUMOR’S SECOND ANNUAL* ALL-NIGHTER IS TONIGHT.
The era of Facebook is weird. We’ve all heard and read analyses of modern social interactions and how they have been mutated by the impersonal ease of Facebook.
One of the most peculiar things Facebook has given us is an outlet for grief. Whenever a college student dies, his or her Facebook wall turns into a mural of a eulogy. An overly intimate, kind of disrespectful, public display of a eulogy.
The whole phenomenon seems entirely distasteful. So I wrote an even more distasteful parody of it. Like if you like. Digg if you dig. Hate if you hate.
This is an excerpt from an essay I had to write about the ethics of cookies for my computer science class:
“It doesn’t matter what I think about cookies. If the modern age has taught us anything, it is that the people with the power to wield the most modern technology are the ones in control. I don’t know how to make cookies. I don’t know how to disable cookies. I’m still not 100% sure I know what cookies are. I’m powerless against the cookies. So, like any logical, powerless person, I choose to take a stance of ambivalence on the cookie front.”
There is a great feeling you get when you don’t give a crap anymore and you know you’re not trying to impress anyone. Unfortunately for my TA, that feeling has a tendency to manifest itself in facetiousness.
